New Job

Got an awesome new job... It's a contract job so I hope it lasts a little while. :) had a really cool first day and then got to talk to my honey. He's so great. I was so sad to hear he got some really bad news and it amazes me how he holds things together until he's ready to deal. That strength is truly amazing. He made me laugh.... Quite a few times... Very hard. He makes me laugh and glow while he's dealing with some real hard stuff. How lucky am I to have a man like that in my life? I miss him terribly. Good days bad days blah days they all feel weird.... I just want to lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat and his voice from there.... Where I felt like there was only us two on earth.... :) prayers for his family.... And him.... XOXO
Be good to each other... Love.

thankful...

yeah yeah, I'm a terrible blogger... whatever... lol
I had an amazing thanksgiving... truly I did... I got to spend alot of time with the fam, great food... really amazing food actually... and lots of laughs... and i even got a text from the guy I adore being randomly sweet and appreciative of me. the only thing that could have possibly made it any better for me would have been if he had been sitting beside me. here's some pics...

yummy salad my brother's girlfriend made... tasty...


 the spread.....
below: the empanadas... it took me three attempts to get them right...

 my dog mad as hell she was getting a bath.. don't worry she was bathed before we deep cleaned the kitchen for thanksgiving cooking...
 brother pretending....
 oh this was the white dog before her bath... lol

anyways besides all that.. I was just really in a fabulous mood... seriously.. the text... it wasn't much but it was more than enough... I really do appreciate the smallest things... :) y'all be good this week.. nothing too crazy..I'm praying for this job to call me back so I can start there... and quit the other place! lol 

conversations....

so finally talked to this guy.... and had an amazing conversation... and at the end of everything I realized nothing had been clarified... at least not for me. I told him exactly how I felt... and it was nice to get it all out.. . therapeutic even...and it all ended with.... yeah that's cool but not right now... so then the real questions I had got sidetracked by the actual conversation... and I feel that no matter what i say part of me is gonna wait for him... so that sucks. I mean dating isn't something I am gonna just stop doing but it feels pointless when everyone gets compared to him. and nobody is... and when I go to kiss someone it feels wrong. and that sucks ass... I was kicking it with an old friend and him and I are really comfortable around each other but I stopped and thought it's not the same... and left... and on the way home my chest hurt thinking about how much I need to do to get over the other guy... so much mess.... but I mean he'll get home and then things go back to me just being disappointed in English.... so... screwed... regardless... still thinking that some way some how things will work out just like I want them to... we'll see.... if everything that I addressed today goes back to being crappy then i know it's time to let it go... for real...