new year, new you....

i met him on new years eve... while he was playing with his band... his guitar, his smile was so sneaky... lol every time he walked by the weeks prior in rehearsal he'd smile and blush... me being me I ignored it.. until that night... after a long night of partying and the liquid courage running through my veins....we started dancing, talking... ended up exchanging numbers and talking that night... and the next day was an awesome pool hall/ dinner date... followed a couple of days later by an afternoon movie date... then a night of cuddling... nothing more... he sings... we layed together and he strummed his guitar singing to me... singing songs he had no idea i loved... I can't wait to see his smile. hear his voice... never thought I would be so gay lol.... I love that he answers on the first few rings, and that he lets me put my cold feet between his and then wrapped me up so tight.. he talks about the future... the present suddenly such an amazing gift... how enlightened.. his innocence... it's all so new to me..... more importantly he just wants to make me happy. it's been quite a while since i have met a man with that goal... it's kind of awesome......... we'll see what happens....

regardless i'm loving all these awesome pics I'm getting of us... lol

so much...

football season is here!! I'm so hype!! I feel like this is my version of Valentines day... lol single girls will totally feel me on this one... wait, no they probably won't... single men, maybe....

So let's see. I've had so much hope and love and heartbreak during my break from blogging.. let's skip that and get to the dirt. I have a friend who is absolutely gorgeous, funny, smart, warm and so very ambitious I just adore him, of course he has no idea that I exist... lol of couse he doesn't... I'll see him in a couple of weeks and be confused and nervous and not explain to him how I feel... so I guess that I will have to "grow a pair" for lack of a better term lol.. I need some courage....

the funny thing is, he's what I want... normal... and I feel so very strange about it...

well cheers to football season... and big ups to my longest relationship ever... Me + National football league! =Love!

She Got Game

Well, not really but it sounded like a great blog title. so. here's the latest problem, i keep falling into this repetitive cycle of seeing a person whom I end up growing, or rather re-growing attached to, then am disappointed when he isn't available when I'd like to see him/spend time with him. This is borderline retarded, yes I am quite aware. not quite a relationship, not quote a friendship... this weird medium where he drives me nuts and I can't stand him but I miss him after not seeing him for a while... oh well...

someone who makes me happy everyday is all i need... well mostly all I need. I just want to be happy... it's not a whole lot to ask.... luckily I'm really good at looking out for me... :)

not alot to discuss, new job is going well. keep getting hit on by random ppl so that's always entertaining... I'm just not at a point where a new person coming in my life is a great idea.... someone said recently that single people rarely enjoy being single... this is true always so worried about the next...

new orleans was amazing. all the fun that I expected and more. wish I was able to help a friend's self esteem problem... maybe that would make her happier instead of focusing what she feels she lacks, she can focus on her pluses... like i do.... well except for the fact that I am full of myself lol.... lucky me. :)

today this coworker asked me if I was seeing anyone I said, yes and no... well yes but it's not serious, then I was like well no but... I finally came to the conclusion that I would just stick with the answer, yes. cause I'm seeing myself lol... the end of that... I couldn't explain it I kinda felt bad...

back to doing me.

first dates.....

they're always full of anxiety and observation... I hate movies as first dates because I feel like it doesn't give you a chance to talk or get to know someone. but this was kind of different. it was like the perfect balance of small talk and just experiencing something together. (something being the movie) the gentleman was just that- a gentleman. rushing to open doors, polite, funny and just a sweetie... which is good. glad to see that guys like that still exist; that gives me hope. got a lot to do tomorrow.... none of it is what i want to do... but gotta get it done. back to work on Thursday... both jobs.... so i'll be exhausted and that's always good at least I'll be making some money...

have this huge trip coming up and I just can't wait.... but gotta stack some paper first!! :) new orleans isn't ready!!! kinda bummed about not having a date for the wedding but i guess it happens.... *sigh* oh well...

everything happens for a reason.

Everyday gets easier....

man this chick at work pissed me off and this is the very last time I'm gonna think about how mad i was... some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. I know that most of her dramatic nature is due to her emotional past oh well!... that's so sad for her... however.. I'm done with the drama... I love my life! I'm so lucky that I have such a great support circle in my life... and it's gonna get much better... I'm very excited about the summer and my life things are kinda strange... I have so much to do tomorrow... I'm tired of waiting for stuff to happen... but when i try and make it happen it still doesn't work...

so i spoke with a old friend of mine, he told me my problem is that I am far too nice... too nice?? is that possible.. I guess so... he said i need to just be mean, and not care.. and supposedly this is gonna have the catnip effect.. I don't think I care that much but it might be a fun experiment! I guess we'll see anyways im looking forward to happy hour with some friends on thurs... let's hope it's awesome! I'll send pictures!

Seriously? All parties involved?? what parties???

so i've been dating a guy seriously for a couple of weeks. he's pretty cool, down to earth, a little eccentric at times but all around a good guy. strangely i feel like he's moving way too fast, I mean he keeps kinda trying to gage my reactions to different things, like marriage, living together and a serious relationship. so I finally toss every other guy to the curb and decide this is the path I want to follow, we've discussed being together a few times and I know this is moving quick but I feel like it's gonna be worth the jump. he asks me if I want to be his girlfriend. I said yes, eventually... then the next morning I say screw it and shoot him a text that says "I want to be your girlfriend" no response, I see him later (he comes into my job) and is all over me, and kissing me and whatnot, not usually a problem I don't mind p.d.a. but I am at work, and yes although I am a bartender it's still kind of inappropriate. so anyways next day I get a 3 hr break between jobs (I have 3 now) and call him, pick up some burgers and go see him. his mood is completely different, he says he's just really tired and hungover but something is off. I know his phone is messed up so I called and left a voicemail and he returned it while I was working. his message made me stress. I mean he never responded about me and the girlfriend thing. so the message was like hit me before a certain time (which i totally missed due to work) and it would be best for all parties involved, for us to speak as soon as possible... all parties involved?! as far as I know it's just me and you bro. so what the hell are you talking about? I reponded with no answer...... not feeling this at all... I like the guy alot but I'm so stressed, and about nothing!?! or at least I have no idea why... I just feel like this is going to be something that is huge and annoying... and painful- emotion wise....

oh well... guess i'll sleep on it....