throwback....

so i've been watching the hills lately... this is totally out of character for me. but whatever.... sometimes i need to know that I'm not the only one in life with drama.... makes things a whole lot easier.... just a thought.

anyways glad the suns won... i can't stand kobe!! lol

thinking about how different my life would be if i had made better choices... or just different ones... not regretting decisions but definately wondering what paths would have changed!! oh well... i absolutely need to get some stuff figured out by friday...

drowning....

I keep looking up at the situation that I got myself into. I know what's best for everyone... but then I know what I really want..... I guess I'll learn sooner or later

I just don't know if this is a sign or a whole life alteration.... or... I dunno.... but I care enough about my friend to make a decision based on what's best for him... and not just go off my feelings... oh so much to think about... just feels like when things are looking up, something comes crashing down... oh well... things will get way better... they always do!!

Everyday gets easier....

man this chick at work pissed me off and this is the very last time I'm gonna think about how mad i was... some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. I know that most of her dramatic nature is due to her emotional past oh well!... that's so sad for her... however.. I'm done with the drama... I love my life! I'm so lucky that I have such a great support circle in my life... and it's gonna get much better... I'm very excited about the summer and my life things are kinda strange... I have so much to do tomorrow... I'm tired of waiting for stuff to happen... but when i try and make it happen it still doesn't work...

so i spoke with a old friend of mine, he told me my problem is that I am far too nice... too nice?? is that possible.. I guess so... he said i need to just be mean, and not care.. and supposedly this is gonna have the catnip effect.. I don't think I care that much but it might be a fun experiment! I guess we'll see anyways im looking forward to happy hour with some friends on thurs... let's hope it's awesome! I'll send pictures!

"some good things fall apart so better ones can replace them"

yeah that dude hit me up and just said an ex of his jumped into the picture... and just like that... tossed me out.... oh well... yeah everyone says it's better that way, and you were too good for him anyways... blah blah blah... words don't heal the hurt. it feels like a john legend lyric... and "everybody know that nobody really know how to make it work or how to ease the hurt" but yes. hurt i am... so i guess that leaves me on the the next... still hurts... but i know that something better is in store for me.... i just wish the speed bumps on this path weren't so painful!

Seriously? All parties involved?? what parties???

so i've been dating a guy seriously for a couple of weeks. he's pretty cool, down to earth, a little eccentric at times but all around a good guy. strangely i feel like he's moving way too fast, I mean he keeps kinda trying to gage my reactions to different things, like marriage, living together and a serious relationship. so I finally toss every other guy to the curb and decide this is the path I want to follow, we've discussed being together a few times and I know this is moving quick but I feel like it's gonna be worth the jump. he asks me if I want to be his girlfriend. I said yes, eventually... then the next morning I say screw it and shoot him a text that says "I want to be your girlfriend" no response, I see him later (he comes into my job) and is all over me, and kissing me and whatnot, not usually a problem I don't mind p.d.a. but I am at work, and yes although I am a bartender it's still kind of inappropriate. so anyways next day I get a 3 hr break between jobs (I have 3 now) and call him, pick up some burgers and go see him. his mood is completely different, he says he's just really tired and hungover but something is off. I know his phone is messed up so I called and left a voicemail and he returned it while I was working. his message made me stress. I mean he never responded about me and the girlfriend thing. so the message was like hit me before a certain time (which i totally missed due to work) and it would be best for all parties involved, for us to speak as soon as possible... all parties involved?! as far as I know it's just me and you bro. so what the hell are you talking about? I reponded with no answer...... not feeling this at all... I like the guy alot but I'm so stressed, and about nothing!?! or at least I have no idea why... I just feel like this is going to be something that is huge and annoying... and painful- emotion wise....

oh well... guess i'll sleep on it....