Drake.

I'm than just a number, hey, hey, hey
I doubt you'll find another, hey, hey, hey
So every single summer, hey, hey, hey
I be the one that you remember

Memories....

Before he left I was the sweetest person and made him a mini goodbye kit.... And in it was pictures of us at the astros game.... And a letter.... And a sweet nothing :).... I just don't want him to forget about me... Or how awesome we got along.... Or the fun we had.... But how do I deal? Am I supposed to wait....that's gonna be a long wait.... But worth it.... And my tenderoni is upset about the whole thing.... I just want him to understand something I don't.... Cause one of them I love, one of them I crave, one of them makes sense and one of them is right.... Yeah it's only 2... So there multiple categories for them... LOL... I just keep thinking back to stolen moments for me.... A fling years in the making.... And one that feels so right.... Which is the right path? Cause at the end of the day I can love both but only have one.... Hurts to think about it.... 2000+ miles.... Or years or difference.... I'm at the age where I want something very much on the track to serious.... To marriage, a family, child.... Dog and picket fence... Lol...

In other news I need a new job!! This one is still fun... But mainly I dread being there at any or all times.... :/ I just want real money.... Real money that will allow me to visit 2000+ miles... Smdh... Alternative motives.....

Annddddd....

It's all good.... emotionally he was gone yesterday for me.... disappointed mucho... but it happens.... maybe someday he'll think I'm important enough to do what he says he's going to do... but until then, I am single. and no matter how much I care about him, I care about me more and making me happy... :) he'll get right some day... until then... enjoy the ride xo

A long kiss goodbye...

I've been in such an India Arie mood lately.... We said goodbye but hello again when yet another roadblock delayed departure.... Hopefully i'll get an idea of where I want to be emotionally by the time I see him.... I just don't know.... It feels so right.... But I know I'm diving into a place I've not yet scoped out.... I mean how am I to avoid pain if it's sure to blindside me? I guess
We'll just see.....

All falls down...

When you sit back and watch.... Things work themselves out.... I have no idea what or how or who.... But eventually things just figure themselves out.... I just didn't know... I gave so many benefits of doubt that I was even starting to think things were my fault.... And then after some uncharacteristically aggressive actions on my part I got to see what it was like.... And I liked it... But it's almost gone.... Thanks to Irene I've gotten a few more hours... But that's all... And he's just so laid back... No drama.... Looking at the stars talking about what love was like back when our parents fell.... If love like that still exists.... Sitting there watching him think..... I sat there and did my best to not fall.... Because it felt like my stomach was trembling I know this person. I know who he was.... Who he can be.... But have no idea who he wants to be....
I know that I like being around him.... That holding his hand made me feel....right. that he values the little things.... That he appreciates the things that he is aware he is not entitled to but privileged to.... And because of that my appreciation for him is indescribable.... Then the logical part of me plays back the inevitable good bye that is sure to come... But why sit and anticipate the hurt when I can enjoy the now?

Failure..

I am so terrible at being mad... Mainly because after about 4 hours I just want to be held and forget whatever was pissing me off.... It's just that life is too short to waste it being mad over something so trivial.... I mean yes, whatever it was that made me mad was wrong... And I was completely justified in my feelings but it isn't gonna make me a better person or ever happy to be mad... I just want to rewind it all and make it understood from the jump.... I won't be your doormat... I will be waiting with open arms when you realize that....

Partying with the future...

Last night was slightly short of amazing.... Partying with a friend of a friend who happened to be some kind of a celebrity... It was pretty cool.... And my friend is just the cooled female you'd ever meet.... Hotel hopping.... Watching these dudes try and get away from some ratchet groupies... Quite entertaining...

Mr. Close to home Foreigner has really made me wonder what kind of person he really is.... So inconsiderate of my time and feelings. If you'll treat me like this and I'm just around the corner what's gonna happen when you're around the world? I adore his personality and how he acts around me... But if this is how he'll treat me... No thanks. I can't even halfway deal with stuff like that. Flakey is strictly forbidden....

Besides all that Mr. Tenderoni has decided to act out as well... I do not know what is going on but a new team maybe on the horizon.... Ugh.... :/ rough days always follow amazing nights...

Speaking of not knowing..

I have no idea what's going on.... I know he'll be gone soon.... And i'll be left with the memory and what if's.... The ones that will drive you crazy.....

Lauryn Hill

I promise no album will ever touch me like the miseducation of lauryn hill..... Exfactor is definitely one of the best songs ever.... It's just so beautifully written.... And true.... "When I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay, this is crazy"...... No crazy ex's in my life at the moment.... Sometimes you just have to appreciate feelings you've had in the past.... Music is like a time machine, a memory spark and a heart repair machine.... It just soothed and comforts.... For example.... John Legend speaks to my soul with "everybody knows"..... Because he's so real about it.... Nobody really knows....

Nodding off....

That always sounds like something your supposed to not talk about... Like something lewd and dirty... LOL anyways today was pretty cool..... Lunch date with my friend.... Then I totally got stood up by a different guy... I guess that's why I'm not good at patience... Oh well... It's all good... I kinda wanna let him slide because our outing Monday was so fantastic I couldn't have asked for a better evening....  He was sweet, and funny... Affectionate and silly... All those things that you really want in a guy... All wrapped up in a very handsome package...
And stamped with a cinderella-esque expiration date... No he's not turning into a pumpkin... He's just gonna be so far.... I mean I've always been really good at the long distance thing but it has to be built before you put the distance in....
So what to do now?
Get what you ask for.... Then you gotta figure out how to deal.... Smdh... And I was thinking to myself why now? With all these passed opportunities.... Well it just wasn't the right time... If I had any knowledge of what I know now, back then.... I would have messed it all up.... And everytime after that i had too much going on.... And I still do... But the difference is that I'm at the point in my life where I'm willing to put in time and effort to work on and develop me.... And the potential for "us".... I guess we'll just have to wait and see.... Still kinda disappointed I got stood up.... :(

It's hot as f*ck outside....

Things are heating up inside too..... Well not really but it sounded kinda intriguing right? Need to kick it with my homie before he leaves for the better part of a year out of the country..... Smdh.... I feel like all my relationships have a time limit.... This one is just more obvious than others....

A random "movie night" offer I received yesterday made me wonder WTF this dude was thinking.... It was like 1 am.... I felt like I should very well explain to him I already have too much on my plate dating wise and more importantly he's lame... LOL....

Dog days of summer.... And dates...

So yesterday I got off work early and ended up going to a late lunch with my homie.... It was really nice... I laugh so much around him... It's awesome to have someone you can not get enough of. Then we went to see planet of the apes... Great movie... But definitely needed a sense of closure....I really did enjoy spending time with my homie....

Long weekend...

Texas Greek Picnic was this weekend.... didn't go to the picnic but did go to a couple of the events... the stepshow... was... interesting... the after party... well I am just glad i got to see my brothers...
So I've been around guys all weekend and I have decided that the most annoying thing in the world is for someone to be unable to take responsibility for their actions or lack there of... The victim mentality "it's everybodys fault but mine" is the most irritating thing I have ever seen. I just want to slap someone and say dude wtf?! everybody gets a raw deal every now and then... so just get over it... ludacris said it best "it's not the hand that your dealt, but how your playing your cards"

So anyways got to spend some time with a pretty awesome guy this weekend...he makes me laugh, drives me wild.. hysterical, and just an all around sense of warm, snuggly.... kisses.... just... amazing..... and then I find out I have an interview for a job in san antonio.... a really good, no GREAT job..... I told him.... he seemed slightly upset... he's what I've wanted for so long.... what kind of ingrate to the institution of love would I be to just allow myself to run away from something I've wanted, waited for, prayed for...... deep stuff... stressful.... this is still such a new and shiny toy of a relationship... not stressing over defining it or trying to understand it... finally at the age where I can just enjoy it and not worry about trying to make it something else...

I had an "ah-ha" moment at the club... I ran into a friend of my from high school, he's a police officer.. he was working in the club... we stopped and caught up... I was like wow... I would definitely be the chick in the club flirting with the cop... lol... hey judge if you must but he did have handcuffs... haha... jk! (maybe) but I have found myself kinda not really just checking for dudes lately... truth be told even Mr. Officer was just a good friend to catch up with.... smdh.... when did I get so over-it? I guess when you find someone you can't get enough of you just kinda don't wanna waste your time... plus I was cutting events short all weekend just to spend time with him..... which is entirely uncharacteristic of me...

oh well India said it best... 

"If he ever left me, I wouldn't even be sad, no 

Cause there's a blessing in every lesson

And I'm glad that I knew him at all"

love it!! anyways I'm out... got finals this week.... wish me luck!