New Job

Got an awesome new job... It's a contract job so I hope it lasts a little while. :) had a really cool first day and then got to talk to my honey. He's so great. I was so sad to hear he got some really bad news and it amazes me how he holds things together until he's ready to deal. That strength is truly amazing. He made me laugh.... Quite a few times... Very hard. He makes me laugh and glow while he's dealing with some real hard stuff. How lucky am I to have a man like that in my life? I miss him terribly. Good days bad days blah days they all feel weird.... I just want to lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat and his voice from there.... Where I felt like there was only us two on earth.... :) prayers for his family.... And him.... XOXO
Be good to each other... Love.

thankful...

yeah yeah, I'm a terrible blogger... whatever... lol
I had an amazing thanksgiving... truly I did... I got to spend alot of time with the fam, great food... really amazing food actually... and lots of laughs... and i even got a text from the guy I adore being randomly sweet and appreciative of me. the only thing that could have possibly made it any better for me would have been if he had been sitting beside me. here's some pics...

yummy salad my brother's girlfriend made... tasty...


 the spread.....
below: the empanadas... it took me three attempts to get them right...

 my dog mad as hell she was getting a bath.. don't worry she was bathed before we deep cleaned the kitchen for thanksgiving cooking...
 brother pretending....
 oh this was the white dog before her bath... lol

anyways besides all that.. I was just really in a fabulous mood... seriously.. the text... it wasn't much but it was more than enough... I really do appreciate the smallest things... :) y'all be good this week.. nothing too crazy..I'm praying for this job to call me back so I can start there... and quit the other place! lol 

conversations....

so finally talked to this guy.... and had an amazing conversation... and at the end of everything I realized nothing had been clarified... at least not for me. I told him exactly how I felt... and it was nice to get it all out.. . therapeutic even...and it all ended with.... yeah that's cool but not right now... so then the real questions I had got sidetracked by the actual conversation... and I feel that no matter what i say part of me is gonna wait for him... so that sucks. I mean dating isn't something I am gonna just stop doing but it feels pointless when everyone gets compared to him. and nobody is... and when I go to kiss someone it feels wrong. and that sucks ass... I was kicking it with an old friend and him and I are really comfortable around each other but I stopped and thought it's not the same... and left... and on the way home my chest hurt thinking about how much I need to do to get over the other guy... so much mess.... but I mean he'll get home and then things go back to me just being disappointed in English.... so... screwed... regardless... still thinking that some way some how things will work out just like I want them to... we'll see.... if everything that I addressed today goes back to being crappy then i know it's time to let it go... for real...

Expressions

Take it all with my love....

Acknowledge your feeling for me, while also calming my fears....

So I had to work over night last night, yeah it's a lot but it is almost over :) so I'm with my coworker he's a couple years older than me, attractive and friendly. Very helpful and nice guy and we've been working on the project for a while... So we've become friends. He's nice, not my type at all which is awesome since he's married and I'm worried about someone else completely... But I am very confused about something very weird. See I normally hardly ever wear makeup but had started wearing it on a semi regular basis. I'd get hit on occasionally but nothing big, so not really purposely I stopped wearing it all together out of sheer laziness and you woulda thought I had a sign on me saying free dates. I mean like some serious attention was being given... So I ask previously described coworker what gives?? He said that it was easy I was ruining my face with makeup (he was joking) LOL but seriously that I was more intimidating with it on.... What??? Guys are weird.
In the meantime I've been such a brat to my honeybun but it sucks he's been busy and I'm getting date offers like crazy. This is when I need to be reassured that I'm not in this alone. The dates aren't a big deal to pass on but if he's too busy to show me love then it makes me wonder what I'm waiting for..... I do adore him.... Completely. I just need to feel it.... That he's missing me like I am him..... Reassure me. Because it's scary without him.... And I will wait if I know I'm not doing it in vain....

Dreaming...

Selena did it best.... "Cause there's no where in the world I'd rather be, than here in your arms dreaming of you endlessly". His arms.
So I've been working like crazy... I need to get my tail to the passport office this week because my goal from January was to have my passport by my birthday... I haven't heard from him in a week.... But have heard from a few who would like to be him.... I've just chilled.... School and work.... Until he's back... I have walked it through in my mind a million times... Jumping into his arms and not letting go until he damn near drops me... :) strange how a week doesn't seem so long in retrospect.... But its all apart of being taught patience... I am learning.... xoxo night

new picture...

so I had a super fun halloween, and have been super busy working lately... I put up a cute picture of him and I on my twitter... tons of comments about it.... I love it.... I miss him terribly... especially when it's cold.... I just want to be in his arms, where it's warm.... and safe... and happy.....