conversations....

so finally talked to this guy.... and had an amazing conversation... and at the end of everything I realized nothing had been clarified... at least not for me. I told him exactly how I felt... and it was nice to get it all out.. . therapeutic even...and it all ended with.... yeah that's cool but not right now... so then the real questions I had got sidetracked by the actual conversation... and I feel that no matter what i say part of me is gonna wait for him... so that sucks. I mean dating isn't something I am gonna just stop doing but it feels pointless when everyone gets compared to him. and nobody is... and when I go to kiss someone it feels wrong. and that sucks ass... I was kicking it with an old friend and him and I are really comfortable around each other but I stopped and thought it's not the same... and left... and on the way home my chest hurt thinking about how much I need to do to get over the other guy... so much mess.... but I mean he'll get home and then things go back to me just being disappointed in English.... so... screwed... regardless... still thinking that some way some how things will work out just like I want them to... we'll see.... if everything that I addressed today goes back to being crappy then i know it's time to let it go... for real...