smelling yourself....

Dear You,

You really got some fucking nerve. talking to me like I'm a fucking child. and the whole time I'm really just trying to be the kind loving person whom I choose to be. Little things that I wanted you to understand were a very big deal, you just didn't seem to understand. I thrive on little things, brush the hair out of my face, pump the gas for me..... kiss me on the forehead, the temple.... love me like I love you. like you want to be loved. he held me close and made me feel like the most important thing in his life. i don't understand how I could make you so important to me and you just treat me like crap. It's all good... I made a mistake. and I plan to rectify that as soon as possible... regardless of what I think I wanted I made a mistake when I thought you were the right one. I was wrong. I wanted him from the beginning and I should have listened to my instinct. but now you're both wrong for me... him... a million miles away and perfect, and you 5 minutes away and acting like a child. so I chose wrong and here I am... disappointed in you once again... and wishing I could disappear into his warm soft arms and watch stupid old tv shows that only we appreciate... and you... such a sad concept. I guess you won... and I lost... cause every time I got close to you I closed my eyes hard and tried to imagine it was him, his kiss, his hug, his voice....
Now I will forever wonder how life would have turned out if I had told him how I felt before he left... and didn't worry so much about you and how you felt.

Not so mad anymore, kinda relieved it's over with you,
Me.